Here’s what we believe: rope is for everybody and every body.
It’s the heart of how and why we teach. It’s on our dang business cards.
But what does that mean in practice? How do we balance that belief with the understanding that rope is demanding? With the belief that ‘no’ is a full sentence and we are all entitled to say it?
On Demands
We start with the knowledge that rope does not demand things of us, we demand things of each other.
Some of these demands are fair and necessary:
🔹 “Tell me if this is too much.”
🔹 “How is your body feeling today?”
🔹 “We need to get the load off my waist.”
These are the kinds of demands (or asks or promises or agreements or…) that foster communication, trust, and safety in rope. They are promises that we make to each other—not demands made by rope itself. They set us up as a team – people who are doing this thing together.
But there are some demands that are neither fair nor necessary:
❌ “Be thin.”
❌ “Be flexible.”
❌ “Be healthy.”
❌ “Be perfectly resilient.”
❌ “Be continuously improving.”
These are not about rope. They are not about being part of a team or building together. They aren’t even really about safety1, because health is complicated and invisible.
They are the voice of a world that despises variance—one that insists that some bodies are unworthy of pleasure, presence, and play
Saying What We Mean
We each get to decide what demands we make – of our partners and of ourselves. Part of that freedom (and that responsibility) is understanding that our words and actions exist within the context of our world. We live in a society, after all. Our wants are ours, but they’re also shaped by the world we live in. They’re shaped by what we learn is desirable, what we learn is healthy, what we learn is okay to want.
And so, like good students, we should ask questions:
◻️ What do I want?
◻️ What has shaped that desire?
◻️ Am I saying what I mean?
Saying No
It’s important to say this explicitly: “no” is a complete sentence. “No” is a great answer! This post is not an argument for ignoring your own wants, needs, or desires. This post is not an invitation to be unkind or shitty when someone tells us “no.” Regardless of your role(s), being a jerk about boundaries is a great way to not get to do rope.
Rather, this is an invitation to dig a little deeper into our desires and demands. What’s underneath our “no” (or our “yes”)?
💬 “I’m concerned about injuring them in a way I can’t provide support for.”
💬 “I don’t understand how to execute this tie within their needs and boundaries.”
💬 “I only tie people I want to [redacted] with.”
💬 “I don’t know them well enough.”
Say what you mean. Own your discomfort. But also ask yourself where those concerns are coming from. Are they rooted in genuine concerns about safety? A lack of knowledge? Your own desires?
Is something cropping up about who is allowed to experience rope?
And, if that ‘no’ is driven by some of the reasons above, are you framing it as your choice, rather than something innately wrong with them2?
The Right to Joy
We live in a world that punishes difference. It tells us that fat and disabled bodies are rare, unworthy, and burdensome. The truth is that they are common. The truth is that our bodies change, frequently without input from us. The truth is that “healthy” doesn’t look any one way.
Your body does not require atonement. You deserve joy, exploration, and connection—without exception.
If you’ve ever felt unwelcome in a rope space, know that you belong.
I hope we’ll see you soon.
xoxo
Nora
[Come Find Us →]
The Shoulders of Giants
This post is an expansion of some graphics we posted over on our Instagram. While it started as a response to a specific conversation on social media, the ideas behind it felt worth carrying over in a more permanent way.
This post is heavily informed by the work of fat liberation and disability activists including (but certainly not limited to) Elsa Sjunneson, Sonya Renee Taylor, Aubrey Gordon, Sabrina Strings, and Alice Wong. We strongly recommend “Is Being Fat Bad for You?” 🔊, Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice 📖, and Fearing the Black Body 📖 as starting points if you’d like to learn more about these schools of thought.
If you’re looking for one really easy way to challenge your internalized ideas about ‘good rope bodies,’ find and support folks creating content & education outside of a particular thin/white/(visibly) able bodied framework. ropechubbies_ is a great place to start! Got more suggestions? Leave them in the comments!